Gift bag
| The |
Infant Loss, Awareness & Support Network
Evelyn Rose Foundation
| Resources |
Stillbirth Support Group (Online Message Board)(Will open in new window) In this group you are going to
find comfort and support for families who experienced a stillbirth.
http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Stillbirth/forum
find comfort and support for families who experienced a stillbirth.
http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Stillbirth/forum
Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep Discussion Forum
http://www.nowisleep.com/
http://www.nowisleep.com/
Online Support Resources
Books
On Grief and Grieving (ISBN: 978-0-7432-6629)
By - Elisabeth Kubler-Ross & David Kessler (Author & Co-Author)
By - Elisabeth Kubler-Ross & David Kessler (Author & Co-Author)
Empty Cradle, Broken Heart, Revised Edition: Surviving the Death of
Your Baby (ISBN-10: 1555913024)
By - Deborah L. Davis (Author)
Your Baby (ISBN-10: 1555913024)
By - Deborah L. Davis (Author)
The Mourner's Bill of Rights
by Alan D. Wolfelt, Ph.D.
Though you should reach out to others as you do the work of mourning, you should not feel obligated to
accept the unhelpful responses you may receive from some people. You are the one who is grieving, and
as such, you have certain "rights" no one should try to take away from you.
The following list is intended both to empower you to heal and to decide how others can and cannot help.
This is not to discourage you from reaching out to others for help, but rather to assist you in distinguishing
useful responses from hurtful ones.
1. You have the right to experience your own unique grief.
No one else will grieve in exactly the same way you do. So, when you turn to others for help, don't allow
them to tell what you should or should not be feeling.
2. You have the right to talk about your grief.
Talking about your grief will help you heal. Seek out others who will allow you to talk as much as you want,
as often as you want, about your grief. If at times you don't feel like talking, you also have the right to be
silent.
3. You have the right to feel a multitude of emotions.
Confusion, disorientation, fear, guilt and relief are just a few of the emotions you might feel as part of your
grief journey. Others may try to tell you that feeling angry, for example, is wrong. Don't take these
judgmental responses to heart. Instead, find listeners who will accept your feelings without condition.
4. You have the right to be tolerant of your physical and emotional limits.
Your feelings of loss and sadness will probably leave you feeling fatigued. Respect what your body and
mind are telling you. Get daily rest. Eat balanced meals. And don't allow others to push you into doing
things you don't feel ready to do.
5. You have the right to experience "grief bursts."
Sometimes, out of nowhere, a powerful surge of grief may overcome you. This can be frightening, but is
normal and natural. Find someone who understands and will let you talk it out.
6. You have the right to make use of ritual.
The funeral ritual does more than acknowledge the death of someone loved. It helps provide you with the
support of caring people. More importantly, the funeral is a way for you to mourn. If others tell you the
funeral or other healing rituals such as these are silly or unnecessary, don't listen.
7. You have the right to embrace your spirituality.
If faith is a part of your life, express it in ways that seem appropriate to you. Allow yourself to be around
people who understand and support your religious beliefs. If you feel angry at God, find someone to talk
with who won't be critical of your feelings of hurt and abandonment.
8. You have the right to search for meaning.
You may find yourself asking, "Why did he or she die? Why this way? Why now?" Some of your questions
may have answers, but some may not. And watch out for the clichéd responses some people may give
you. Comments like, "It was God's will" or "Think of what you have to be thankful for" are not helpful and
you do not have to accept them.
9. You have the right to right to treasure your memories.
Memories are one of the best legacies that exist after the death of someone loved. You will always
remember. Instead of ignoring your memories, find others with whom you can share them.
10. You have the right to move toward your grief and heal.
Reconciling your grief will not happen quickly. Remember, grief is a process, not an event. Be patient and
tolerant with yourself and avoid people who are impatient and intolerant with you. Neither you nor those
around you must forget that the death of someone loved changes your life forever.
by Alan D. Wolfelt, Ph.D.
Though you should reach out to others as you do the work of mourning, you should not feel obligated to
accept the unhelpful responses you may receive from some people. You are the one who is grieving, and
as such, you have certain "rights" no one should try to take away from you.
The following list is intended both to empower you to heal and to decide how others can and cannot help.
This is not to discourage you from reaching out to others for help, but rather to assist you in distinguishing
useful responses from hurtful ones.
1. You have the right to experience your own unique grief.
No one else will grieve in exactly the same way you do. So, when you turn to others for help, don't allow
them to tell what you should or should not be feeling.
2. You have the right to talk about your grief.
Talking about your grief will help you heal. Seek out others who will allow you to talk as much as you want,
as often as you want, about your grief. If at times you don't feel like talking, you also have the right to be
silent.
3. You have the right to feel a multitude of emotions.
Confusion, disorientation, fear, guilt and relief are just a few of the emotions you might feel as part of your
grief journey. Others may try to tell you that feeling angry, for example, is wrong. Don't take these
judgmental responses to heart. Instead, find listeners who will accept your feelings without condition.
4. You have the right to be tolerant of your physical and emotional limits.
Your feelings of loss and sadness will probably leave you feeling fatigued. Respect what your body and
mind are telling you. Get daily rest. Eat balanced meals. And don't allow others to push you into doing
things you don't feel ready to do.
5. You have the right to experience "grief bursts."
Sometimes, out of nowhere, a powerful surge of grief may overcome you. This can be frightening, but is
normal and natural. Find someone who understands and will let you talk it out.
6. You have the right to make use of ritual.
The funeral ritual does more than acknowledge the death of someone loved. It helps provide you with the
support of caring people. More importantly, the funeral is a way for you to mourn. If others tell you the
funeral or other healing rituals such as these are silly or unnecessary, don't listen.
7. You have the right to embrace your spirituality.
If faith is a part of your life, express it in ways that seem appropriate to you. Allow yourself to be around
people who understand and support your religious beliefs. If you feel angry at God, find someone to talk
with who won't be critical of your feelings of hurt and abandonment.
8. You have the right to search for meaning.
You may find yourself asking, "Why did he or she die? Why this way? Why now?" Some of your questions
may have answers, but some may not. And watch out for the clichéd responses some people may give
you. Comments like, "It was God's will" or "Think of what you have to be thankful for" are not helpful and
you do not have to accept them.
9. You have the right to right to treasure your memories.
Memories are one of the best legacies that exist after the death of someone loved. You will always
remember. Instead of ignoring your memories, find others with whom you can share them.
10. You have the right to move toward your grief and heal.
Reconciling your grief will not happen quickly. Remember, grief is a process, not an event. Be patient and
tolerant with yourself and avoid people who are impatient and intolerant with you. Neither you nor those
around you must forget that the death of someone loved changes your life forever.
Online Support Resources
EMAIL SUPPORT - CLICK HERE