The Evelyn Rose Foundation

The Evelyn Rose Foundation was formed in June of 2009 after losing my
daughter, Evelyn Rose. Evelyn was born still on June 4th, 2009 -
Read her story here.

After you left the hospital it is quite likely that you were surrounded with many people for the first
few weeks, but what happens when those people stop coming? This is the starting moment, at this
time our healing begins, it will bring feelings that will scare you, feelings that will consume you, feelings
that will overwhelm the essence of our being. Remember, there will also be emotions that will fill you
with happiness, hold on to those. Did you know that feeling the heartache means you are human, it
means you cared for someone other than yourself? Feeling sad about losing your baby can be a happy
feeling, because it's that feeling that will show the world how profoundly you love your child.

You love because you are human, and you are human because you love. We would not be able to live
without the expectation of having someone to care for, and having to care for someone, it's our instinct
When the natural instinct to care for someone, in our case, an infant, is removed from our life so
suddenly our existence halts.

I have four children, Donny (11), Sara (10), Hannah (8), and Evelyn Rose, who, I can't hold in the
physical sense, but whose spirit I hold in my mental sense. Like most families we have our struggles,
sometimes there are days when we don't smile, Evelyn was going to be our smile, Evelyn was going to
be a tiny human with the magic to make my 11 year old son smile. At dinner time, when we gather for a
meal Evelyn was going to make us laugh when she didn't want to eat her mashed potatoes, she was
going to be the reason we all participated in planning the very best 1st birthday ever. Donny would
have adored his baby sister, my girls would have loved watching her play in the tub, and putting little
pony tails in her hair. Her daddy would have laughed out loud while smiling with pride as his baby girl
learned to walk. Evelyn is our Rose Garden, her seed was planted, the trick is figuring out how to
nurture, and grow her garden when we can't see her, in a physical sense. Implementation is key, and
reminding myself that "being good enough" is ok. I have extremely high expectation of myself, I've
never learned how to forgive myself when I make a mistake, I've always accepted the burden of life
and shoved it inside with the rest of my mental noise. When Evelyn died I began to understand just
how human I am, all the struggles of my inner workings came to fruition. I had no idea that I could love
that deeply until the love rested silently in my arms.

I've read and heard that grieving is a personal journey, while I agree with that it would seem that the
explanation stops there. What is, personal? Here is the definition of personal:

Main Entry: 1per·son·al
Function: adjective
Etymology: Middle English, from Anglo-French personel, from Late Latin personalis, from Latin persona
Date: 14th century

1 : of, relating to, or affecting a particular person : private, individual <personal ambition> <personal
financial gain>

2 a : done in person without the intervention of another; also : proceeding from a single person b :
carried on between individuals directly <a personal interview>

3 : relating to the person or body

4 : relating to an individual or an individual's character, conduct, motives, or private affairs often in an
offensive manner <a personal insult>

5 a : being rational and self-conscious <personal, responsive government is still possible — John
Fischer> b : having the qualities of a person rather than a thing or abstraction <a personal devil>
6 : of, relating to, or constituting personal property <a personal estate>

7 : denoting grammatical person

8 : intended for private use or use by one person <a personal stereo>

As you can see the definition clearly demonstrates a path for us depending on how you define your
experience. Then arises another question, what is experience? Here is the definition of experience:

Main Entry: 1ex·pe·ri·ence
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English, from Anglo-French, from Latin experientia act of trying, from experient-,
experiens, present participle of experiri to try, from ex- + -periri (akin to periculum attempt) — more at
fear
Date: 14th century
1 a : direct observation of or participation in events as a basis of knowledge b : the fact or state of
having been affected by or gained knowledge through direct observation or participation

2 a : practical knowledge, skill, or practice derived from direct observation of or participation in events
or in a particular activity b : the length of such participation <has 10 years' experience in the job>

3 a : the conscious events that make up an individual life b : the events that make up the conscious
past of a community or nation or humankind generally

4 : something personally encountered, undergone, or lived through

5 : the act or process of directly perceiving events or reality

The foregoing definitions are my preface to understanding what "personal experience" means. It is a
place to begin, not a place to end. Each day a new "personal experience" will enter my life, each day a
new question, fear, struggle, happiness, loneliness, gratefulness, sadness, and joy will build my
experience, each of us learning the curve as we go. This is grief, this is learning, this is healing. Grief is
learning a new subject without a text book, our book, is our experience. We have to write it.